When you think you can

Okay, so. I had this huge test today at Uni. And I was so scared, creeped out and anxious.
I was not so sure to handle it but then..I did.

You know how? Being confident about what I know and who I am. AND IT WORKED-

Well, actually. I spoke clearly, loudly, and I made it.
So, be confident.

But that is not the first step in succeding. You know, you also have to study. That’s the first one.

Studying is not easy but you can have your own way to do it, because you are great and you can do everything you want.

I can actually learn math, if I want to. But it will not because I hate it, lol.

but first and above all, in oreder to pass your tests (generally speaking) you MUST be happy, with yourself, your life, everything.

Why? Because if you are not happy all you will think about will be how to go back to the happy status. and you will fail all, falling in a vicious circle.

Dude, wake the hell up. Open your eyes. If you are unhappy you must rest, think, reborn and then you can keep on going.

First, you work on yourself, then on all the rest.

Think about it.

 

 

Headache

nobody will understand your headache until they have one on their own.

nobody will understand your headache unless they have one too.

So, the story of my life.

imagine telling someone you want to be friend with that you suffer every day from something like a headache.

they can literally laugh in your face.

like, “seriously? you think that’s funny?”

and I am like “have you ever suffered?”

I suffer, so get used to it.

 

 

What do I want to be?

I have no idea. Yesterday, I was listening to From the Heart conversations with Rachel Braten on Spotify (totally recommended!) and her husband told us he doesn’t know what to say when they ask him “what do you do?” and I was thinking I am indeed in his same position.

So, what do I have to do to find what I am, who I am and where I want to be in 5 years?

I have no clue, do you guys have clues?

Regarding nowadays life, I still am a student and have a lot of stuff to do, but still, I haven’t found myself in a position.

Nor I have friends or at least friends I can do stuff I like with.

I want a change, and I want it now.

Are you ready to follow my journey?

 

Just Wait

Quando ero piccola mi prendevano tanto, tanto in giro.

Si, ero quella sfigata che legge sotto il banco e copia il compito di scienze e parla da sola.

Si, sono quella che chissà magari il papà è morto perchè non si vede mai in giro. Eppure quel papà mi fa divertire un sacco e mi porta sempre al cinema. E, per la cronaca, ho anche un fratello.

Anche alle medie e al liceo mi prendevano in giro, anche all’Università.

Si, vivo fuori dal limite senza superare il limite, leggo troppo penso troppo parlo troppo.

Ma mi diverto tantissimo!

Sono anche fidanzata e va tutto bene.

Non mi fregate più.

Hi Gran, I miss you

okay, so.
This morning I woke up and I had a bad feeling. It was like when I was 5 and all the bananas in the house were gone and I cried for 3 hours straight.

Moving on, today I heard my gran’s voice in my head. this time so clearly I couldn’t miss out. She told me how great I am and how I will go far in life and that she is so proud of me and my improvements.

It kinda scares me, because she is so dead right now, I mean a lot of years has passed so this is quite strange but still. Maybe it’s God talking to me, I don’t know.

I pray a lot these days, so maybe He heard me and He is helping me out.
When I get home I remembered a dialaogue we had in Palestine few years ago: she told me to pursuit my dreams and not to stop thinking, reading, listening.

I will try to be better for her and not procastinate too much.

And I will start a youtube channel, to honor her.

 

Uh, Ah, Uh

siamo sempre stati vicini, io e te. ci siamo sempre tenuti per mano ma non abbiamo mai pensato di essere rimasti cosi per sempre, immobili nella speranza di trovare un posto migliore dove stare.

ieri ho capito che devo essere meno rompicoglioni, oggi mi sono svegliata meglio. sará un caso? non credo, anche perché ho dormito uguale al solito.

devo diventare costante nelle cose che faccio, senza andare sempre a sbattere la testa.

si sta meglio cosi, giá.

La La Land

Ho voglia di vedere La La Land ma non riesco a trovare il tempo materiale per farlo.
Sono sempre perennemente di corsa.

Non so mai da che parte mi devo girare per arrivare a fare bene le cose che devo fare. E’ incredibile come voli il tempo anche quando si vuole che non succeda. E’ anche grave il fatto che io non abbia ancora trovato il regalo per teo.

Le cose in questo periodo stanno prendendo una forma assurda, senza senso logico.

E’ tutto un grande, grandissimo caos da cui non so come uscire.

 

I ran out of tears.

So, what is going on?
Fact is..I ran out of tears. Which is actually good, in a way.

But why?

It is pretty simple, actually.

I decided to be simply happy, without having a lot of troubles about it.

Honestly, these days have been so damn hard.

I have decided to cut off a lot of people from my life because they were so toxic I couldn’t breathe sometimes.
This was one of the best ideas I have ever made.

When you feel stressed, think about it. Think about the people who surrounds you.

Don’t start to see things from the wrong side of the view.

Take a step back, breathe, do.

 

Hey, you.

A cup of tea. That is what help me through the day.
You have the right to be angry sometimes, or heartbroken. Even if society thinks you are stupid. It happens, you know?

I do believe in the magic power of tea. Some people thinks is a magic beverage. What do you guys think?

I mean, we all have bad days, right?
We all have moments when we don’t feel ourselves, don’t we?

It is okay to feel not okay.
It is okay to cry all your heart out.
It is okay to eat more than you should, just don’t do it all the time.

 

I’m fine, you know?

Hi,
this is a letter for you readers.

I wasn’t fine since yesterday. I was like a body without a soul, a walking stupid human body. I wasn’t thinking straight. I was thinking like a person who doesn’t have feelings and thoughts and so on.

Now, after a clear cup of coffee, black no sugar I realize that I still am who I am and that I do have to change my way of life, in order to be happier.

I always say what people want me to say. I always do what people want me to do.
Etcetera, etcetera.

Now is different, now is better, now I’m living in the state of mind I always wanted to live in, you know?

 

 

Attenzione, attenzioni.

L’attenzione è lo stare attenti, e fin qui ci siamo.
Le attenzioni, invece, sono tutt’altra cosa.

Le attenzioni sono una cosa importante, ci fanno rendere conto di quanto siano importanti gli altri. Già, gli altri. Quelli che ti cirticano, ti mollano li e aspettano che tu davvero scriva un messaggino sul cellulare.

Ormai tutte le relazioni passano per il cellulare, persino quelle con i propri genitori.
Ma siamo sicuri che questa sia davvero vita?

“non mi scrivi da tempo”; “ma sei sparita”; e via dicendo.

Ma veramente?
Veramente dobbiamo basare tutto su questo? Su cosa, dove e quando suona il cellulare?

Secondo me no, eppure molti la pensano così.

Vorrei davvero che non mi piacessero i social media, le app e via dicendo.
Ma non è questo il punto. Il punto è l’abuso che se ne fa.

Stamattina ero in metropolitana e c’era un silenzio tombale. Non volava una mosca.
Mi sono fatta due domande e ho realizzato che tutti, o quasi, erano immersi a guardare il cellulare. Chi per una cosa, chi per un’altra.

Mi ha qusi dato fastidio, anzi a dirla tutta, ho avuto la nausea. Ho sentito come se tutte le comunicazioni interpersonali non esistessero più- Poi mi è venuta in mente una cosa, o meglio un fatto.

L’altro giorno non capivo perchè un barista mi guardava storto. Ho riflettuto sulla conversazione avuta lì al bar con un’amica e ho realizzato: ho detto che uso ancora il telefono fisso. Vi rendete conto?

Non lo so, non mi va più tutta questa storia.

Eppure, non c’è via di uscita. Assolutamente no.

 

 

 

 

First Step To Zero Waste

So, as I said in another blog post, I want to embrace the zero waste lifestyle.

I live in a house full of stuff, creams, shampoos and so on.

My First Step will be to finish ALL the products that I have here and then slowly switch to the “zero waste” ones. Like DIYs or without packaging and so on.

🙂

I will update the results here!

Stay tuned!

 

Marti

Going Zero Waste?

I’ve seen loads and loads of YouTube videos about this topic and I?m so curious!
I really would like to live in a more sustainable way of life, although I’m not sure where to start this journey from.

I can be better, tho. I can make more efforts in order to trash less and use recycling boxes, water bottles and so on. It ain’t easy because my city doesn’t have a lot of farmers markets and bulk shops, but yeah, I can make it work.

 

Cinnamon.

yesterday I was feeling low, but very very low.
I felt like I wasn’t worthy. I wasn’t the person everyone wants me to be.
so I made myself a cup of Joe and I added cinnamon to it.

as a kid, I always thought that cinnamon was a magic powder added by unicorns to their cakes.

as for now, I still think about this and I do still believe it’s magic.

it worked again!

 

yay

I COLORI DEL GENIO

New York, 1929. Un uomo elegante entra nel suo ufficio in centro e viene subito accolto da un collega che lo “costringe” a leggere un manoscritto lungo 1100 pagine. Inizialmente riluttante, quando comincia a leggere l’uomo non riesce più a distogliere lo sguardo da quelle parole. A fine lettura sembra quasi interdetto, ma nei suoi occhi si intravede un barlume di felicità. Max Perkins, la persona in questione, è un editore che vanta Fitzgerald e Hemingway tr ai suoi clienti. Ma il manoscritto che ha preso in lettura è un personaggio nuovo, controverso, geniale ma allo stesso tempo anticonvenzionale, soprattutto per l’epoca in cui visse. È Thomas Wolfe, futuro autore di grandissimo successo, amante della vita e della musica jazz suonata nei bassifondi newyorkesi. I due, come si vede nel film, intraprenderanno un percorso di amicizia e di lavoro lungo una vita che li cambierà entrambi, coinvolgendo anche le rispettive famiglie.

Ma io i vorrei soffermare su un altro aspetto del film, che va oltre la trama (d’altronde per vedere come si sviluppa la storia c’è sempr eil cinema, giusto?): i colori.
Il colore in questo film è praticamente assente. Riflette alla perfezione l’epoca in cui è ambientato: cupa, quasi misteriosa, conformista, tutta uguale a se stessa. Il colore del film trasmette anche lo stato d’animo dei suoi personaggi, di quanto li circonda. Quando Max e Thomas tornano a casa, lo schermo si illumina di colori (non accesi, ma si nota la differenza), come a farci intendere che solo lì essi stanno bene e riescono a produrre i loro lavori migliori. Thomas è iperattivo, scomposto, frenetico, così come la sua scrittura, mentre Max è freddo, composto, tagliente come la penna rossa che utilizza per eliminare quelle parti di testo ritenuti inutili o superflue per la pubblicazione.
Entrambi svolgono un lavoro difficile e compiono molti sacrifici per portarlo avanti.

Questo film ci trasmette una passione sfrenata per la letteratura e quanto questa possa essere influenzata da quanto sta attorno a chi fa di essa la propria ragione di vita; ma soprattutto trasmette umanità, amore e amicizia. Ci fa pensare a quanto possa essere importante avere almeno un amico che creda così profondamente in noi da dedicare l’intera vita al nostro lavoro.

Andate a vederlo, preparatevi però, perchè è un film duro e commovente allo stesso tempo. E, mi raccomando, osservate attentamente il cappello che porta in testa Max, elemento chiave per comprendere il valore di questa storia.

Dati tecnici e foto:

• Regia: Michael Grandage
• Attori:
Colin Firth – Maxwell Perkins,
Jude Law – Thomas Wolfe,
Nicole Kidman – Aline Bernstein,
Laura Linney – Louise Perkins,
Guy Pearce – F. Scott Fitzgerald,
Dominic West – Ernest Hemingway,
Vanessa Kirby – Zelda Fitzgerald,
Gillian Hanna – Julia Wolfe,
Demetri Goritsas – John Wheelock,
Elaine Caulfield – Mabel Wolfe,
Sophia Brown – Sonia Marks,
Miquel Brown – Eleanor,
Angela Ashton – Bertha Perkins,
Eve Bracken – Zippy Perkins,
Lorna Doherty – Peggy Perkins,
Katya Watson – Jane Perkins,
Makenna McBrierty- Nancy Perkins,
Mark Phillimore – Fredrick Wolf
• Soggetto: Andrew Scott Berg – (biografia)
• Sceneggiatura: John Logan
• Fotografia: Ben Davis
• Musiche: Adam Cork
• Montaggio: Chris Dickens
• Scenografia: Mark Digby
• Costumi: Jane Petrie
• Effetti: Union Visual Effects

I am kinda scared.

we live in a world where anyone can access everybody’s life.
we all can be hackers in some way. or we can just look at the phone of a person sitting next to us. yeah, I know. isn’t that awkward? that’s why I love America, you all call each other, lol. it’s cheaper.
seriously tho, here I have access to anyone’s life, with a blink of an eye.
it’s scary because you never know how a person would react to you looking at therir cellphones. that is why I use it but at the same time I do hate it a lot.

What do You Know?

hey! lovely people.
I am here again!
this time for good 🙂

soooo, I’ve been up to a lot these days. I wrote a poem fo Girl/Gun Mag, I am studying a lot and I’m trying to re write the book I’m thinking about since age 17.

by the way, life gave me so much lemon these days, so I have decided to make hummus with them. oh, so damn good. and I’ve praied a lot too, mostly before bed time.
we are going to move in/out our home, and it has been a pleasure. I am going to look out for a pianoforte too, so happy about it.

and we are planning Christmas Day! oh yeah, so good.

I am so happy right now, 🙂

have a great day!

M.

November Poetry Slam

GIRL/GUN MAGAZINE

A series of poetry for the month of November. Images by Plum Lane.

Lily

These days I seem all out of strange magic. Is it something that whispers away with childhood, running with the bare feet I used to wear, down forest clefts and into watery hollows that I used to play in? Is it the magic dust that sprung from fairies wings now settling into dirt? Has its imprint faded from my thighs, sticky from laying on the grass for hours on end? No. The magic is still there, only now she teems in the shadows, eyes green ready to lick clean tempestuousness and to echo the verbrato ringing deep within my throat. Now she is about dirty cars, screaming lights and pounding skulls. She flicks away my wavering palm and pulls me in. She takes me into the ocean where our eyes can take in only blue and she…

View original post 751 more words

An open letter to a Friend with bipolar “disorder”

I met you a while ago and we connected soon.
I am crazy, a free spirited girl with strange thoughts and dreams and so on. I started to talk about nonsense stuff and all the problems I have, you listened.
some time later another friend told me you have bipolar disorder, and I was like “no way”, I didn’t actually believe that. so we started to hang out and you seemed quite strange but normal at the same time.
I know you do actually have bipolar disorder, you are on meds and so on. but, you know, life’s life, so why don’t live it?

I would like to tell people around us that we all have problems, hard, simple, whatever, but we are strong, brave, fortunate because we still have a beating hearth.

love you always,

m.

how to feel better with yo’self.

this morning I woke up and I went to the movies. yeah at 10.30 in the morning. there is this cinema that gives you breakfast and a movie ticket for like 5 bucks. and this is great!

by the way. when I was inside, I realized I was happy, but truly happy. like I’ve never been before. or, at least, not that I can remember.

I was happy because I felt good with myself.

you know why? because I did what I really wanted to do, when I wanted to and why I wanted to, not hurting anyone’s feeling, of course.

this is the secret of happiness.

Human(s).

human.
human is the word that defines us as being. thinking being. we can do different stuff, we actually can do almost anything we want to.

we can be blue, pink, black, yellow, white and so on. point is, we have the same kind of hearth, lungs, brain, arms, ass and so on. just in different shapes.

so, what actually make us different?
we can change the color of our hair, we can choose how to dress, what kind of job we want to do, where do we wanna live. what we want to eat. yeah, you can choose that too. I chose to be vegan, I chose to be happy, I chose to stay in my City and not move out, I chose to love girls but then I felt in love with a boy and went on with that. 1+ year and going strong (so what?).

we can choose who to love. but, there is always a but. some people do not accept that. they don’t see a LGBTQ(etc) person as a human being, but as someone to hate. we hate for religion, now we hate for love too.

a man killed 49 people (as I write), because he hated gay people. he killed because of religion, he killed because he could do that. he could buy a gun, legally.
a man killed not onl those people, those human, he killed the belief on freedom, he smashed on the ground their families’ happiness.
a man was killed for what he have done.

I have a lot on my mind, but I will keep them to myself because I do not want to create a debate right now. I just want to put the basis. of a massive thinking time.

randomly.

love from here, Orlando. love, from here.

è

I am not the kind of person who leave stuff out.
I mean, when I have to talk, I talk. when I have to stay silent, I stay silent. this is a period in which I am alone a lot, even I have a lot of people around me.
let’s say I’ve decided to leave the people who make me suffer out. like, very out.

by the way, this is not what I was going to talk about.
I want to talk about a super duper easy pasta.

dadd was late, I was hungry but I didn’t wanto to eat unhealthy, so..

pasta with chickpeas!
yey

pasta for two people.

190g pasta of your choice (actually, perf)
half a can of tomatoes
a teaspoon of fennell seeds
chickpeas, the amount is your choice, it’s the same, for example..since I wanto to be vegan I’ve added almost all the 200g can, but it’s up to yah
garlic

so, garlic and fennell seed goes in with a little bit of water, oil or soy butter (up to ou, i’ve used the butter). let them drizzle for a while.
heat up some water, bring to boil. when it does pour in the pasta and follow it’s instruction.

meanwhile, clean the chickpeas and smash them in the garlicy pan, after two minutes add the tomatoes and stir. let that cook for 5 minutes, then if you want add soy sauce and a splash of barbecue sauce.
🙂

when the pasta is read pour it in the saucepan and stir. serve with a teaspoon of olive oil and if you are not vegan add parmesan. if you are, add almond flour!

enjoy,

E.

About Coffe.

yesterday, once again I was surrounded by angryiness and sadness. this is something I do not truly understand.

I am in love with the best person ever, the best guy I could ever imagine, he is bold, he is happy, he has a word for everyone. a good one. he is beatiful, gentle, simple. always up to help other people.

but still. he is, sometimes, pointed out as the intruder, as someone there’s no need to be known. and this hurt me so much, it make my heart feel heavy.
I feel so sorry for him, he suffers so much about that, yesterday he almost cried in the middle of the street because he felt alone in a crowd.

I do believe it’s not fair. it’s not fair to be alone, to feel like it.
I do believe that we should be friends with people who want us around, maybe is bettere to be alone rather then to someone like this.

but, today is another Day, Monday actually. let’s start it with a new cup of Joe, a new book to read, a new life to begin.

have a great Mo(o)nday,

E.